Before I became a mom, I had no idea of the challenges that women go through to breastfeed their babies. Of course I read books and magazines while I was pregnant, but none of them quite conveyed how horrible breastfeeding can be for the mom. For me, it has been one of of the most difficult experiences in my life and I never expected it to be this way. I imagined it to be a magical time for bonding with my baby, but instead it became the time I feared the most and literally made me want to cry just thinking about it.
In one word, breastfeeding to me was horrible. Yes, I said horrible. And by that I mean painful, hurtful, embarassing, frustrating, depressing and the list goes on.
THE UGLY TRUTH
In my quest to grasp this new experience, I came across an article on ways to master breastfeeding in a popular fitness magazine for pregnant women and there was only one line in it about breastfeeding being "challenging". Forgive me, but it is far from challenging- it is excruciatingly difficult and experts are needed on hand to make sure you get it right.
What is so bad about it? Well, there are the cracked, bloody nipples that make you feel like a bad mother for not wanting to latch your angelic baby. You know the same baby that is slowly destroying what's left of your nipple with what feel like Freddy Krugger's sharp and pointy blades for gums. Then there's engorgement (when your boobies turn into rocks because you're not feeding as much as you should) to make you feel that you're being punished for not feeding your child. And to top it off, there's the psychological shame of what's best and right for your baby since most literature on feeding clearly state that breastfeeding is best for your child making women feel like a failure for choosing to feed with formula over nature's wholesome beverage.
SUPERFEEDERS
Now I'm aware that there are super moms out there who breastfeed as easily as they drink water. I like to call them the superfeeders, the women who make breastfeeding look as routine as washing your hands and who have so much milk that don't know what to do with it. How I wish I was like them. If you're one of them, I'd love to hear from you. How was it? Did you have any issues? Did you feed any and everywhere? I want to know all about how it should be!
I've been so stressed with my breastfeeding that my wonderful husband got me a massage to take my mind off of the topic. But as fate would have it, my masseuse was a superfeeder and possible one of the most generouse people (keep reading). As I was telling her about my problem areas and the type of massage that I was looking for, I mentioned that I was a new mom and so we began talking about all things babies particurly breastfeeding. She then went on to tell me the story of how she had so much milk that she would fill a bottle of her breastmilk for a child in her community with upper respiratory problems whose mom didn't produce milk. The mom would stop by the masseuse's house every morning to pick up that one bottle to help her son get some of the antibodies he was meant to have.
If you are a superfeeder, would you consider doing the same for friend in need? Or better yet, would you help out another mom because you knew that her child's health would greatly benefit from your one feeding of breastmilk?
IT TAKES A SHERPA AND LOTS OF SUPPORT
My second day in the hospital my darling boy had me wishing me I had gone the formula route from day one, but I'm somewhat of a health nut and was determined to breastfeed. He, on the other hand, was determined to get milk no matter what he did to me. Let's just say the consequences were so bad that the nurse told me that if I wanted to continue breastfeeding I should supplement a feeding with formula or else I would be in such bad shape that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed at all. And I did supplement him with the little formula that newborns should have. But then I went home and tried to be super mom and continued to breastfeed- bad idea! Not only was I in the worst physical and mental pain I've ever experienced but also after a week the baby had lost too much weight. He wasn't latched on right which caused all my other problems and I wasn't producing enough milk either. On doctors orders, I had to suppplement every feeding with formula and even do some formula-only feedings to make sure my baby gained the weight back and more. However, I'm stubborn and couldn't comprehend that I live a healthy lifestyle and can't produce milk for my baby,so I kept at it despite the many moments of boobie desperation and despair.
But I only continued because I got help from a dearly loved friend, who I refer to as my sherpa (the people who help climbers reach the top of Mount Everest-- breastfeeding was my Mout Everest), that shared everything she learned to help me get through it. She came over to my house with what I'll call a Boobie Emergency Kit (think nipple shields, breast pads, lanolin lotion, gel packs...anything and everything to get a helpless and wailing breastfeeder back on track). Not only did she provide me with the goodies and the knowledge but she actually sat down with me and the baby like a $100 per session lactation specialist does and showed me how to properly latch my baby, the best ways to hold the baby as well as sharing her own horror stories making me feel like one of a million suffering moms who endured the pain to provide the best nutrition for her child. She fed her two daughters for a year. While that is way too ambitious for me, I commend her on being able to overcome the obstacles and now showing me why I should push my fear aside and continue regardless of the pain.
In the end, I didn't give up and I'm working to keep my baby healthy by providing as much breastmilk as I can. However, if for some reason I can't feed, don't have time to pump or need a boobie break, then I'm happy to supplement with formula. And I don't feel guilty about it. I wish though that someone had sat me down to tell me that breastfeeding would kick my behind and that it would get a lot worse before it would get better. I had a healthy, active pregnancy and an ultra quick, natural delivery making breastfeeding the most excruciating baby related pain to date. Be warned, while breastfeeding is mother nature's way of providing for a baby no one said she had to be nice about it.
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